yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he thought i was a dude.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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