just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
