somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
