I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
