You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
