And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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