why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize