sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
