she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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