But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
