WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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