It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
