Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Randomize
