Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
