I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
