I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
