$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
