I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
