My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
