Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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