I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
