so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Can I color on your dick again?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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