just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
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You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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