chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
