I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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