I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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