So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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