he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
