sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize