At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
