We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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