So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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