too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
