i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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