You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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