Yo dont text me then not text me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize