I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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