is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
