"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
