Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
