her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
3 2 1 whiskey
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
