I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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