ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
