Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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