I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
