If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
then he tried to convert me to islam
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
