You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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