girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
