I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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