I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
