Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
