I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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