Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I deserve this hangover.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
