puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
