i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
