I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There r osticjed everywhere
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
