you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
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I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
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You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
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