Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
