My brain says no but my pants say off.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
