that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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