I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
