the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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