Just fell off a train. Bad.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
where are my eyebrows?
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