there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
