Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
