why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
