Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
