So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
