I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
