Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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