Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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